I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
