so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
