he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
