i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
