how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
