I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize