I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize