thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
