why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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