I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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