okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
