Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
