hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
