get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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