her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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