I'm really into asian looking animals
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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