He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
