Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
