so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
