I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
