I molested 6 butterflies tonight
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
