I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Drake has all the answers
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
