and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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