my vag is so smooth its legendary
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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