just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
