Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
