none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
