I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
