You smell like stripper and shame
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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