I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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