I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
