well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
