my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
