You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
