Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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