i was rollin on her like bob the builder
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
