So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
