She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
