3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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