and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we're making bets on your personal life
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
