just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
A bitchslap is in order.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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