I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
