I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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