I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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