Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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