Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
