Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
