He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
