So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
