Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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