Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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