i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
