I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
