I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
