I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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