Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
