You're my little dorito
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize