just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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