Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize