I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
