I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
