somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
