I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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