Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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