went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
