its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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