its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
