He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
