Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
