Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
